


If- I Killed My Goddess

by Xelestial



Series: Tales from the Heavens: Dui [3]
Category: Star Crossed Myth
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 09:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3932566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xelestial/pseuds/Xelestial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A god of mercy and madness...What would happen to her when she's at the mercy of his madness? How would it go if Dui really did kill her? This story takes place after their romance has been cemented.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If- I Killed My Goddess

**Author's Note:**

> I choose a different name for almost every story.
> 
> MC name: Krystalia Megami  
> Also I hate titles, so sorry I borrowed Voltage!
> 
> Thanks to Rue, for the artwork that inspired this and for encouraging me.

A view of the setting sun on the roof comes into focus before my eyes. I don’t know what happened or how I got here, and that’s enough to scare me already.

But the scene in front of me is infinitely more terrifying.

My hands are outstretched in front of me. There’s only a little blood on them, but the sight nearly makes me lose consciousness again. For few, confused moments I can’t comprehend what’s in front of me.

What my hands are holding.

As reality sets in, a terrible dread slowly comes over me.

What I’m holding…

What I’m holding is Krystalia’s bruised and battered body.

In shock, my grip on her loosens and her fragile body drops to the ground with a dull thud.

“K-Krystalia!”

I have no right to say that name, but it escapes from my mouth when I begin to realize what I’ve done. I crouch down quickly and reach out to touch her reflexively before I realize what I was doing.

I stop and quickly pull my hand back.  _I don’t want to hurt her anymore_.

But my heart aches as she makes no movements and so - hands shaking - I ever-so carefully gather her into my arms.

She’s pale,  _so_  pale, and her cold body has almost none of the warmth I love so much. Her long lashes still have teardrops on them, and that’s when I notice her beautiful face is streaked with tears.

_I-I can’t-_

I feel like something inside of me is breaking.  _I’m scared. So, so scared._  Somewhere, faintly, I realize I’ve felt like this before.

I’m a god, but I don’t know what to do anymore.

So I hopelessly call out to her.

“Krystalia! Krystalia, please! Please wake up! I’m sorry…I’m so sorry!” I manage to yell out, my voice tight with too much emotion.

But the only movement I see in response to my desperate plea are my own teardrops falling onto her pale face, and the only sound I hear is that of my own frantically beating heart.

A terrible pain and sickness swells up inside of me, and I feel like I can’t breathe.

I cling to Krystalia’s little body and breathe hard as I try to process the tidal wave of emotions threatening to swallow me. I can’t see her face clearly anymore, but my tears continue to drip down on her, faster now.

“Dui….”

My heart jumps into my throat at the sound of that voice.

I look up, hope springing forth as quickly as it was extinguished. I know I don’t deserve to hope, that I don’t deserve to even touch her, but my heart and my head are at odds with each other right now.

Krystalia is looking at me through half-lidded eyes, a little blood dripping from the side of her mouth. My heart feels like it’s in a vice again.

_I did this._

She slowly moves her small hand to touch my face and my heart skips a beat like it always does.But this time it feels so cold. And…

_She looks so tired…_

I place my hand over hers, holding it to my face. I realize I’m trying to warm her hand…even though I know that it’s pointless.

I desperately stare into her beautiful eyes, willing her to stay with me.

“Krystalia, everything’s going to be okay,” I say, forcing my words out. My throat is tight and my tears won’t stop though, so it doesn’t sound very convincing. I’m trying my best to be strong for her but before I know it, what I really want to say slips out in a different way.

<I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…>

Krystalia smiles faintly as she stares into my eyes.

“Don’t be,” she whispers. She continues in a strained, cracking voice that hurts me to hear with every word. “I’m the one…who’s sorry. I…I messed up…I couldn’t stop you…Please Dui…don’t let this change…the beautiful person… that you are.”

Krystalia pauses and sharply inhales as she grimaces in pain.

I’m torn. One part of me wants to hear her voice, always, and I’m afraid of what will happen when her voice fades. The other part of me wants to plead with her not to say any more because it seems so painful for her. And also because I see the life in her slowly running out, like sand in an hourglass.

“Promise me…that you’ll be okay. It’s not your fault. I don’t… blame you,” Krystalia is struggling even more to get the words out now and I can tell she’s pushing herself, calling on every last ounce of strength that she has left.

“Krystalia, stop-!”

Krystalia’s expression has been slowly becoming more and more unfocused as she speaks. But now, she focuses on my face intensely, as if she was trying to remember every detail in it. And it scares me.

“I-I’ll always love you Dui. I’m…I’m sorry… we couldn’t… be together for…” The hand I was holding to my face goes completely limp as Krystalia takes one slow, shuddering breath.

_….!_

Before I’ve realized it, I’ve lost all control. I grip onto her tiny body with all my strength, trying to hold her here with everything I have.

“Krystalia?! Krystalia! You can’t leave me!”

I know what I’m doing and saying is wrong, that I don’t deserve to be with her. I know it won’t change anything either. But all logic has fled my mind and my aching heart is acting on it’s own now, as if it’s feeble attempts protect itself could stop what’s about to happen.

But Krystalia does not respond. She exhales so slowly, so silently that I can’t be sure that she did at all. But when her beautiful eyes slowly become unfocused and stare only vacantly at me, I’m sure.

Intense fear and pain grip my heart. Because I recognize that look. Because I remember it.

Because I realize Krystalia is gone.

_It happened…again…._

_I… killed someone I love._

From the moment I met her, this was the one thing I had wanted to protect Krystalia from. Yet because of my selfishness and weakness it’s finally come to pass. It might have even been inevitable, a cruel fate cast upon us from the moment she chose me.

_Still…I’m a god…can’t I do anything for Krystalia?!_

I ask myself this but I already know the answer. I know I’m just trying to hold off the despair that’s waiting for me the moment I accept the truth before me.

To ignore the truth though…that would be to forget Krystalia’s pain, and the sacrifice she made to love me, even for a short time.

As I force myself to look at her broken, lifeless body, grief starts to wash over me and I bring her close to me again, hugging her.

“I’m the one who’s sorry…” I mumble into her hair. The pleasant scent that’s still there only makes everything hurt more and my tears fall freely now.

“I’m the one who should have been punished…I knew the risk and I still gambled with your life Krystalia.” I shake my head, unable to deal with my overwhelming feelings of hopelessness.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” All my control is gone, and though I’m a god I can’t help the sobs that are shaking my body. I can only rock back and forth slowly, cradling the love of my life in my arms.

* * *

 I don’t know how long I stayed like that, but finally a single ray of hope cut through the grief. I knew I couldn’t bring back Krystalia, but …there was a way to both repent and end my miserable existence.

Maybe that would make her happy.

“Dummy, that would never make her happy and you know it,” a dim voice in my head tells me. I do my best to ignore the voice. I hate the voice. I used to think of it as a necessary part of me, to deal with my own weakness, but in reality it’s only caused me pain.

“….sorry is what I wanna say, but that won’t cut it this time, will it? ” the voice asked. I can hear sorrow in it, but it doesn’t even really register with me. “I thought you loved her too.”

I murmur.  _How could this happen?_

“I was just trying to protect you Dui. You were actin’ like you couldn’t live without her but I know you can. She was only human anyway, she would’ve died eventually…”

The other me comes up with excuse after excuse but I don’t care. There’s a part of me that knows none of this makes sense. I know he loved her too, I could feel it. But I just don’t care anymore.

The only one thing that matters to me now is one fact.

The other Dui is a part of me. If I kill myself, I’d take him with me. I’d be punishing Krystalia’s killer.

_…Yes…it’s only right. It’s my duty as a god._

I nod to myself. It all makes sense now. As I gently lay Krystalia down for the last time, I hear her last words echoing in my head.

_“Promise me…that you’ll be okay.”_

I have a grim expression on my face as I look down on Krystalia’s body.

“I’m sorry Krystalia, but I can’t keep that promise. I promised to protect you, but I was the one who hurt you. I never deserved to have someone as wonderful as you believe in me,” I sigh deeply at the truth in my own words, but I don’t cry.

I can’t cry. It’s like something died in me with Krystalia and I can’t cry anymore.

“I’m worthless. I couldn’t even save you. But…there is one thing I can do for you now. I’ll make your murderer pay his penance.”

I bend down and caress her pretty face one last time. My last words are only a whisper.

“I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know, Krystalia. But I can’t live in a world without you.”

* * *

That’s when everything had gone white.

I open my eyes to darkness. I’m drenched in sweat.

I sit up, breathing so hard I feel like I’ll never get enough air. I grab my head as my eyes dart around the moonlit room, trying to make sense of what’s happening.

“Krystalia…is dead…I…killed her…’ I mumble.  _Why am I here? I was -_

My eyes widen when I hear a sweet voice beside me.

“Dui?”

I quickly turn toward the voice and see Krystalia sitting next to me. I stare at her, still breathing hard.

She pulls the sheet up around her chest and stares back at me. The worry in her eyes helps slowly bring me back to reality.

“…Krystalia?” I say, daring to hope for just a moment.

When I woke up, I thought that this was the dream, and my dream the reality. But finding out the opposite was true seemed good to be true.

“Yes? Dui are you alright? Did you have a bad dream?” Krystalia asks, scooting closer to me and laying her head on my shoulder. She wraps one arm around me. “It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

As everything starts to make sense, I breathe out and lie my head against Krystalia’s.

 _I must have fallen asleep._ I sigh a little.   _I rarely sleep, but it seems like when I do all I ever get is nightmares about killing someone…_

Krystalia says nothing as she waits for me to start speaking.

 _She’s always so patient with me._ I find myself smiling, something I had thought I’d never do again.

“I had a nightmare,” I say finally.

Krystalia gives me a squeeze. “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

I hesitate. Even the thought of saying it out loud is painful.

Suddenly, I want to hold her more than anything, to make sure she’s really here. I lift up my head and pull her to me. She seems surprised, but hugs me back when I put my arms around her.

As I hold her small, warm body, it finally kicks in.  _Krystalia’s alive, and safe and right here next to me._   _Krystalia’s really okay!_

“Dui?”

I burst into a huge smile and as the dream becomes more distant in my mind I feel like I can finally explain.

“In my nightmare, my shadow self…he killed you,” I murmur.

I feel Krystalia stiffen in my arms, but I push myself to go on.

“I don’t know what happened exactly. Thankfully the dream started after…after it was all over. But I had to see you… die in my arms Krystalia. Because of me.”

A silence fell between us and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking.

_Is she scared of me again? Does she think I’m a monster? I bet normal human guys don’t dream about killing their girlfriends._

Despite my doubts, Krystalia just held me even tighter.

“I’m sorry you had a dream like that. I can’t even imagine how terrible that must have been for you. But I’m okay. And your other self isn’t like that anymore. You would never hurt me Dui,” she says calmly, her voice unwavering..

“Krystalia…” I didn’t know what to say, so I squeezed her tighter.

 _I ‘ve tried to kill this girl twice. I’ve put her in danger more times than I can count. And I just told her about an awful dream. Yet, she always believes in me - all of me - and her confidence in me makes me believe that this could work out. That_ we _could work out._

“I don’t know what I did to get lucky enough to get someone like you,” I say. I inhale deeply and breathe in the perfect scent of her hair.

“I think I’m the lucky one,” Krystalia says, slightly muffled by my chest.

I chuckle. This is a disagreement we’ve had many times, with no resolution.

After a moment, she says quietly, “How did it end?”

I find myself hesitating once again before answering. I look down as I speak.

“I…decided to take my own life. I thought punishing the man who killed you was the least I could do for you.”

Krystalia pushes herself away from me and even in this dark room I can feel her glaring at me.

“Do you think I’d really want that?” she asks.

I look down, unable to meet her angry eyes.

“Even if it was you…even if that happened, I would never want you to hurt yourself. I would never want you to blame yourself Dui.”

I look up then, surprised. I stare into her eyes for a moment before a gentle smile comes over my face.

“W-what? I’m serious Dui!” Krystalia tries her best to look fierce, but that only makes her cuter.

“I know,” I say, still smiling. “It’s just…that’s what you said in my dream. That you didn’t want me to blame myself.”

Krystalia still looks a little annoyed, but now she’s a little red too. It’s such a cute face, I can’t resist grabbing her and pulling her into my arms again.

“I guess you know me pretty well,” she mumbles, looking down.

I smile again and tilt her face up so I can see those eyes I love so much.

“I do. And I want you to know me too,” I say as we both draw in for a kiss.

<I hope we’ll have all of eternity to get to know each other. If if time separates us, I promise, I’ll always find you>

And I know Krystalia feels the same way, because I can feel it in the passion of her kiss.


End file.
